Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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