i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You are the jesus of drinking
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
