i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
