oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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