you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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