Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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