I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
