and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
