unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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