mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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