Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Come see our sink grown plant.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
