We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
