look no pants
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
