Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I could fuck to npr.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
