we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
