I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
