Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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