shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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