First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
