i don't like sucking hair
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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