my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
