he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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