I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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