Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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