Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize