Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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