We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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