We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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