I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
