I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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