We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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