I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
