Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize