I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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