so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
