tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
