i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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