Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
