i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
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Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
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Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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