dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
