i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
