Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
