a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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