somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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