ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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