How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
