Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
