Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
