I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i now understand why vodka
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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