I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
