you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
