I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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