No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize