Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
