She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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