6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
