you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
it's like iHOP with fire
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Vodka?
Forever.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
