Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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