Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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