my phone needs a breathalizer
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
