based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He passed out mid-signature
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
