exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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