this beer tastes like vomit already
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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