I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My hand turned me down
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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