i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
