imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
