Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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