Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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