I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
