I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
