So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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